Sandra Joseph Coaching And Training
What lead me to coaching? This is my story.
Sandra Joseph started her adult life at the tender age of 17 where she was ineffectively homeless due to recent divorce of her parents, as she was under the legal age to find a place of her own, she enlisted a very dear family friend who was 19 years old and also ready to stand on her own two feet. Sandra became her friends responsibility as a minor who agreed to sign for a flat for them to share, although Sandra was still at school completing ‘A’ levels, life in the high rise flat was pretty good.
Admittedly her lust for him eventually evolved into a kind of love but she was still unsure, all she knew was that her feelings for him effected her badly when he suddenly gave up on her on the news of her pregnancy.
She later found out the real reason for him leaving was that he already had a girlfriend in another city and his relationship with Sandra wasn't one he intended to take seriously at all.
Sandra was of course devastated, she felt used and cheated on and wondered why he chose the other woman over her.... after all she thought, "I was the one carrying the baby" but oh no guess that would be the lifelong jail sentence to him as opposed to the freedom to continue with the girlfriend he had all along and to continue cheating on her.....(She lived in London and he lived in Birmingham) yes, a much more appealing arrangement for a 20 year old man in his prime.
Sandra contemplated what to do of course by now she knew he didn't want her to go through with the pregnancy, how she was going to tell her parents a man they have never even met has got their daughter up the dove!......that was the scariest bit! however against the wishes of the father, she knew for sure she was going to be a single-parent as she was 100% sure she was keeping her baby.
This affected her relationship with her flat mate as quite frankly a baby didn’t really come into the equation of sharing a flat, so Sandra applied for her own place to raise her child; luckily she was placed very close by her friend, in fact practically the next block!
To cut a long story short Sandra struggled with loneliness, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and the thought of not being good enough for any man to want her especially now she will be a package deal, which man in their right mind is going to want that!
Six months after the birth of her child, she lost her Mother to cancer and then her Father died the following year, now age 22 it was a lot to cope with as a young mother without a partner to support and now no parents, even though her siblings who were very close they had their own life affairs to deal with.
Sandra went through a phase which lasted several years of dating several men, at the time she had no idea why or how she ended up finding and dating the wrong men, however, now she understands the loss of the family unit and the feeling of not being wanted at age 17 when her parents divorced, leaving her with no one to live with, then the similar unwanted feeling from her childs father, led her to seek the need of belonging.
It is clear now that she felt that sense of belonging from any man who showed attention and affection, in a nutshell she had a powerful desire for something, something she yearned for and longed for that was missing in her life since childhood and that something was 'LOVE'
The burning desire of a happy home as she remembers in childhood was what she wanted.
It was 18 months since she met him, she was in a comfortable relationship and her then partner was very caring and kind he accepted her first child as he thought he could not have children. (he was married before and they tried for a baby, unfortunately she never concieved)
Sandra was fine with the idea of no more children it's been six years raising her son on her own which she has now come accustomed with life's routine doing the school run and working part time, she liked the idea of building a career, so the starting over with the patter of tiny feet was definately something she was prepared to accept not happening.
Both Sandra and her then partner wasn't prepared for what happened next.
Yes, she fell pregnant again eight months into the relationship. Problems started immediately after the announcement, he was in denial that the child could not possibly be his, his ex-wife could never conceive so how could this be? Sandra was so hurt by the accusations and could not explain this conception, all she knew was, he is most certainly the father.
The accuations and not being able to proove him wrong led to Sandra leaving, the thought of being accused of cheating was unbearable, they broke up and Sandra went to live in a hostel, homeless yet again.
Two weeks passed and he came looking for Sandra apologising and begging her to come back, she did, only to find out a few months later when Sandra was about seven months pregnant, he was cheating. What made it worse it was with a single woman living three doors away!
Hostel number two, Sandra wasted no time in packing one bag and getting out of there. Sick, tired and upset that history seemed to be repeating itself, pregnancies and break ups. She was in the Hostel and again he tried to win her back, this time she was adamant this time she will stay at the hostel until she was placed in accommodation she desired. The sacrifice was worth it after four months of refusals of run down council properties she was offered a nice house.
The new home was ideal on the same road as the school her son attended with all amenities within walking distance. It was near time for the birth and from the day she left her then partner he was still trying to win her back, she accepted, she didn't really want to be a struggling single parent and she really did love and miss him this time though she had her home and if it didn't work out least she would not be homeless again.
The baby was born another son and the relationship lasted another five and a half years, but the relationship unfortunately had many problems, her partner then was quite selfish and loved his drink and his popularity down the pub, more than his need to be with the company of his family & planning for the future.
Sandra found herself planning family recreation and holidays with the children (boys) on her own as her partner wasn't interested, she would often be seen roller blading, go-karting, playing ball and supervising team games on the street with the other neighbourhood kids, even the other parents use to call her a 'Big Kid' and wondered where she got the energy.
Again this time after several years the relationship didn’t work out, Sandra was growing in her own mind, and really getting to know herself, and more so, what she wanted for herself and children. She had enough of doing everything on her own, she decided she may as well be a single parent again, she actually loved her partner but his choice was the pub. The everyday same old chores, job and duties was getting bored and her partner seemed reluctant to grow, change and develop, nothing made him more happier that going to the pub every day after work till closing time and at the weekends, there was the odd tell tail signs of cheating again, this time nothing Sandra could proove but her intuition was strong.
Sandra thought they were already living separate lives and even begged him to spend time with her and the boys in one last bid to save her relationship, she didn't want to give up on seven years together, it was the longest relationship she had to date. She knew it had to end, it was clear they wanted differnt things in life, so he agreed to leave they were both upset but knew it was for the best.
Once again the single parent independent woman desperate to do all those things her parents wished; “Get a good education, find a good job, get married and have kids!” It was all going the wrong way, the kids was supposed to come last not first!
However, having coped alone with two kids it was simply too much living with the unknown, Sandra somehow felt betrayed as the past was affecting the marriage and when they argued he would seize up and sulk for hours sometimes walk out and not come back for days, when asked where he was he would say a friends who just happens to be female, although she trusted him she felt betrayed as she wanted her husband to confide in her not someone else, least of all another female.
She now realised she didn’t really know the person she married, only what he wanted her to know. She suggested counselling but he wasn’t keen on the idea. Sandra could no longer cope she simply wasn't strong enough and didn’t think it was a healthy environment for herself and children so made a very hard decision in 2004 to file for divorce.
Her researching gave her a deeper understanding of the mistakes she's made in the past and a clearer path as to what she wants for herself.
Sandra's niche is for both men and women and specialises in Relationship and Self Development Coaching.
Sandra believes that she has indirectly been effectively Coaching, Mentoring and Counselling students since she started teaching back in 1995 as the job involves some aspects such as action planning and goal setting and even consoling students facing numerous personal problems, she’s particularly proud of her students who had no confidence or belief in themselves at the beginning of courses then finish the year passing with good grades, it reminds her of her own fears and self-doubt of becoming a teacher with her hearing impairment and what she’s achieved.
With a number of projects in the pipeline and writing 2 books simultaniously one entitled "What Women Want from Men In Relationships" and the other " Coping Alone" Sandra is hoping the first book will help men gain a clearer and deeper understanding of women and therefore help them build better relationships, the book should enlighten men on what women really want and contains useful tips on dating for the shy man which can help prepare them in advance when dating.
Sandra is a professional MEMBER of the
APCTC the Association of Professional Coaches, Trainers and Consultants. All her training/coaching courses are accredited by the APCTC organisation.